Annotated Pearls

I’ve been on this path since my Father died in 2019. It was like I woke up from an unpleasant sleep in a dark wood ensnared in tangling choking vines. I struggled to break them because I was terrified. I expended every ounce of energy to escape. But I kept having to rest. Not like before. Not link needing to rest after pulling an all-nighter. Like needing to rest because I was breaking down. Needing to rest because there would be nothing left if I didn’t. Still I begged my body to keep struggling to break free. One day, I head a quiet but clear voice say, “No.”That word reset me and I gave myself permission to rest.

I slept so long and hard I woke up on fresh ground, the vines retreating from me. Though I was not yet ready to move I was ready to finally accept what had happened to me. What I had lost and what I would have forever. God gave me 6 months to talk to my Father face to face without the fog of disappointment that kept me away so long. Six months to find the friendship we could have had all along. It felt cruel but also more beautiful than I had ever imagined. I finally had access to all of my Father’s love that he had kept to himself most of his life.